Six-Week Program

Week 4 Group Meeting: Begin a New Life

Leader Guide

Printable Version (PDF)

Meeting notes & overview

  • This meeting invites participants to share their experience of Step 4 of the BNL process in a reflective, open, honest way. The goal is not perfection, but awareness—becoming more attentive to what has been happening in both their outward and inward lives.

  • As people share, some may speak easily, while others may be more reserved. Everyone is welcome. Creating a space of attentiveness, respect, and openness to all is central to this gathering.

  • Your role in this meeting is not to guide people to conclusions, but to help create a space where honest sharing can happen.

  • A calm, attentive presence—along with simple encouragement—is often more powerful than many words.

  • Time allotments are based on a one-hour meeting and can be adjusted as needed.

Key notes for this meeting

  • Step 4 includes five parts, which is a substantial amount to cover in one session.

  • In case it’s helpful, this guide highlights a natural “Break point” in the material.

  • You may wish to check with the group about extending the series by one additional meeting, allowing Step 4 to be divided across two sessions.

  • At whatever point you finish Step 4, be sure to have copies on hand of the next meeting’s task handout, located at the end of this guide.

Opening activities (approx. 15 minutes)

Opening prayer

Open with a brief prayer, or invite someone else to offer one.

Readings

Read the following aloud, or invite one or more attendees to do so.

  1. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for people to dwell together in unity.

  2. It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron; running down on the edge of his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing—life forever. (Psalm 133:1-3)

  3. Repentance becomes effective if we practice it regularly—that is, every time we prepare ourselves to take part in Holy Communion. Afterward, if we abstain from one sin or another that we have discovered in ourselves, this is enough to make our repentance real. When we reach this point, we are on the pathway to heaven, because we then begin to turn from an earthly person into a spiritual person and to be born anew with the help of the Lord. (Emanuel Swedenborg, True Christianity, paragraph 530)

  4. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Ps. 51:10)

  5. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his or her friends. (John 15:12-13)

  6. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)

  7. All religion has to do with life, and the life of religion is to do that which is good. (Emanuel Swedenborg, Doctrine of Life, paragraph 1)

  8. Then I will give them one heart, and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 11:19)

Check-in

  • Invite each person to share a highlight of their day or week, or an opening comment.

  • To keep the process moving, each person should share only a sentence or two.

  • During this time, the group simply listens without comment or discussion, though as the leader, you may allow some flexibility.

  • After each person shares, respond with “Thank you” before moving on.

  • If the group has more than eight participants, consider breaking into smaller groups of four to eight.

Group business

  • Share any announcements or decisions that need attention.

  • If there is nothing to address, skip this portion. Like Check-in, it should move quickly.

Task for this meeting

  • Read the following aloud:

    • This past week, your task was Step 4 of the BNL process: Begin a New Life.

    • You were to do one of the following:

      • Review your worksheets through Steps 3, then complete Step 4.

      • Use a new set of worksheets and go through all four steps for your chosen issue.

  • Pause here and invite any questions before moving into group sharing.

Group sharing (approx. 30 minutes)

  • Transition by saying something like:
    “Let’s take some time to share about your experience of Step 4.”

  • Begin the sharing by asking:
    “What was your experience of Step 4.1?”—
    “Stop Doing It…?”

  • As the sharing unfolds, invite reflection on each part:
    “What was your experience of Step 4.2?”—
    “…And Live a New Life?”
    “What was your experience of Step 4.3?”—
    “Do All of This as if You Were Doing It on Your Own?”
    “What was your experience of Step 4.4?”—
    “Do This Once Or Twice a Year as You Prepare to Commune With God?”
    “What was your experience of Step 4.5?”—
    “Afterward, when the sin you’re responsible for recurs, say to yourself, ‘I do not want this—or more deliberately, ‘I do not will this’—because it’s a sin against God.’”

  • Allow sharing to unfold naturally, giving space for each person to respond as they feel led. If needed, use any of the following questions to encourage further reflection and sharing.


    A general question

    • In Step 3 of the BNL process, you asked—and even begged—the Lord for help and power to resist your sin. As you began Step 4 and actively abstained from that sin, did you notice the Lord’s help in action? Can you tell us about that?


    Step 4.1 — Stop Doing It…

    • What was your experience of actually abstaining from your sin? Did it feel easy, difficult, or somewhere in between? Please explain.

    • How do you personally understand the word “abstain”—what does it mean to you? How successful do you feel you were at “abstaining” from your sin this week, and what was that like for you?

    • Were there moments during the week when you slipped back into your sin? If so, what was the impact—emotionally or otherwise—and how did you recover from it?

    • Thinking back to Step 3, when you asked for the Lord’s help and power, how did you access that help during the week when you needed it? How did it affect your ability to abstain?


    Step 4.2 — …Live a New Life!

    • Every time you abstain from a sin, it creates space for the Lord to breathe new life into you. This may first show up as a quiet inclination or desire—a leaning or longing—to do what is good. During Step 4.2, did you notice any of these movements within you? If so, how did they show up? And were you able to welcome them in? If so, how?

    • Can you briefly describe one experience this week where you saw or felt yourself living a new life? What was that like for you?


    Step 4.3 — Do All of This as if You Were Doing It on Your Own

    • Step 4.3 says, “All of this is to be done as if you were doing it on your own.” What do those words mean to you, and what insights or realizations arose as you reflected on them?

    • When resisting your sin, how do you know if you’re relying too much on yourself rather than on the Lord? Conversely, is there ever a time when you rely on the Lord but aren’t fully invested yourself? What happens in those moments?

    • When it comes to actually living a new, different, better life, how do you recognize when you’re relying too much on yourself—or, on the other hand, when you’re relying on the Lord without fully engaging yourself? What tends to happen in those situations?

    • When you notice yourself leaning too heavily on your own effort, what do you do to restore balance? How does that affect you?

    • Returning to the idea of doing the process ‘as if on your own,’ what value might there be in approaching entire process this way?

Break point

  • Step 4.4—Do This Once or Twice a Year in Preparation for Holy Communion

    • Step 4.4 involves participating in a symbolic ritual of life change—Holy Communion. Have you experienced this before? If so, what was it like for you, and what kind of impact did it have on you?


    Step 4.5—Afterward, when the sin you’re responsible for recurs, say to yourself, “I do not want this—or, more deliberately, ‘I do not will this’—because it’s a sin against God”

    • Step 4.5 is about what to do when the sin you’re abstaining from returns. What has your experience been with your sin recurring? How does it come back, and under what circumstances? Are there specific triggers?

    • When your sin recurs, what is your experience of saying, “I do not want this—or more deliberately, ‘I do not will this’—because it’s a sin against God”? What happens when you take this approach?

    • This step emphasizes that the reason for abstaining is because it’s a sin against God. What is your experience of acting for this reason? What goes on inside you when you state it?

    • Take a moment to brainstorm other reasons someone might avoid doing something harmful or sinful. How is acting because it’s a sin against God different from those other reasons? What is it like to act from this particular motivation?


    A final, general question

    • Several of the activities in Step 4 involved visualization—mentally rehearsing parts of the process before putting them into practice. What was your experience of doing this? Did it help you in any way, and if so, how?

Closure (approx. 15 minutes)

Task for the next meeting

  • Distribute copies of the task for the next meeting, titled An Easier Kind of Change (see the handout at the end of this outline).

  • Read the task aloud in its entirety, or invite a number of attendees to take turns reading portions.

  • Say to the participants:
    “Come to the next meeting ready to share their  experience of An Easier Kind of Change.”

Leader for the next meeting

If your group shares leadership, take a moment to decide who will lead the next meeting.

Closing comments

  • Invite each person to share a brief closing comment.

  • This is not a time for further sharing—just a simple word or brief reflection.

  • It’s a time to listen, without comment or discussion.

  • After each person shares, respond, “Thank you,” before moving on.

  • If the group is larger than eight, consider breaking into smaller groups of four to eight.

Closing prayer

Invite the group to say the Lord’s Prayer together.

Printable Version of An Easier Kind of Change (PDF)

An Easier Kind of Change

Task for Week 5

By now, you’ve worked through the full BNL process of life change and spiritual transformation, focusing on one particular sin. But as you’ve likely noticed, that’s not the only struggle that shows up. Other thoughts, impulses, or “evils” can arise at any moment—knocking at the door of your mind or heart, looking for a way in.

The good news is that there’s a simple, effective way to respond at these moments as they happen. It’s not the full four-step process, but a quicker, easier approach—something you can use right in the moment to stop a harmful thought or intention before it takes root.

This “easier kind of change” looks like this:

When you notice yourself thinking about doing something harmful or destructive (“evil”), and an intention is beginning to form, you say to yourself: “I am thinking about this, and I’m intending to do it, but because it’s a sin, I’m not going to do it.”

Saying this—and meaning it—interrupts the thought, keeping it from moving further and gathering strength or momentum.

Having this simple practice at your fingertips means these everyday moments don’t have to go unnoticed or unaddressed. At the same time, it allows you to stay focused on the one primary area you’re working on using the full process.

Your task for this week has three parts:

  • First, read Sourcebook Section C, which explains this easier kind of change in more detail.

  • Second, begin putting this into practice. Whenever you notice yourself considering doing something harmful or destructive—something other than the primary sin you’re working on—say these words of this practice to yourself, and mean them. Pay attention to what happens within you. What shifts? How quickly do you feel a difference, and how fully do you experience it?

  • Third, come to the next meeting ready to share your experience of this “Easier Kind of Change.”

An added tip: You may find it helpful to rehearse the words of this spiritual practice repeatedly. Say them to yourself often, even when they don’t immediately apply. This can help them become an ingrained response—ready for when you truly need it.